I want to know what makes you cry, So I can be the one who'll always makes you smile.

  The Ex-Files
Are you in the trenches of a breakup? This

2006 Year, heal your wounds.

Relationships come and go – a sad or happy

fact depending on the circumstance. On one

hand, you can’t help but be grateful that bad

matches don’t last forever but on the other,

everyone has suffered through a break up they

wish had never come. However, whether you’re

gleefully getting out of a dating disaster or

you’re emotionally crushed by the cruel hand

of cupid, there are certain rules that apply

when it comes to dealing with your ex – or not

dealing as it were.

The following tips may not cure heartbreak,

but they will help ease the pain of ending a

relationship, no matter which side you’re on!

1. Don't try to be there friend.
While the option is tempting (particularly if

you still want to hang on or if you’re the one

trying to break it to them gently), unless you

have children, there is no reason to remain

friends with your ex – at least not when you

first break up!

Having your ex around does nothing to help

you recover emotionally or establish a new

routine (two very necessary components of the

post-relationship healing process), and in the

end, it just drags out the pain. Think about it:

when you notice the difference in the way they

treat you versus when you were together, you

may tend to feel hurt, or in the least, resentful.

However, it’s understandable and natural that

once you’ve split, you are no longer there

priority. So, while you may feel like ‘some of

them is better than none of them’ the simple

truth is, without all of them, there’s not a real

relationship – and you deserve better.

2. Erase there contact info
No one is claiming that it’s easy to cut the cord.

Since your ex was very likely your go to person

in times of crisis when the two of you were

together, you may find you have a natural

tendency to want to speak to them about this

problem. But the thing is, they are the

problem… and in this case, cannot be the

solution. So…

Whether it’s deleting there cell from your quick

dial, there IM from your buddy list or there

email from your online address book, go ahead

and do it for the time being, to avoid the

temptation to write/dial/text in a weak moment.

By this point, you should be sure that you’ve

said all there is to say (and been honest). If you

haven’t, consider what you get from unloading,

and if it’s something you absolutely need to do

in order to move on then do it – one last time.

Afterward, can the contact. You’re probably

getting redundant, and nothing you say is

likely to make them change there mind. Break

up time is a great time to learn about X-

communication: words are a means to an

end… and our need to discuss and re-discuss

every single issue does not usually bode well

with them, especially once they’ve broken up

with you and no longer feel required to listen or

exchange.

While you’re at it, delete all the old email

messages that went between you. You can read

and re-read them until you’re blue, and while a

little release is a good thing, it’s really easy to

romanticize a relationship once it’s over,

particularly as you take repeat trips down

memory lane. There cute email titles, the way

they signed things ‘love, love, love’ or whatever

they did that now seems absolutely amazing

and unbeatable by any person living or dead,

will lead you into tricking yourself. Good times

aside, there’s a reason you broke up. And

rather than spend your time saying “why?!”

think about what you have learned from this

experience… and how you’ll handle yourself

better next time. When doing your learning

litmus though, remember that you have no

control over them only yourself! Try not to

dwell (easier said than done for sure).

3. Put away the mementos
After my most heart wrenching break up, I kept

my ex’s picture up for a full year. YES. A year.

And I can’t tell you how much time I wasted

staring at her face trying to will her back to

me… Only in retrospect, that wasn’t really

what I was doing. I was actually indulging in

my pain because it was easier (and strangely,

more familiar) than picking up the pieces and

moving on. But ultimately, that’s what you’re

going to need to do. Eventually, you’ll be able

to reminisce. However, now is not the time; your

glasses are too rosy and your heart is too sore.

So nix the reminders of days gone by and get

into the now. After all, the now is all you’ve

really got. Take the now as a gift, That's why

they call it the present. Let it be a lesson in how

much you’re going to enjoy the good times the

next time you’re having them… and how much

you’re going to grow from the pain that you’re

allowing yourself to feel and subsequently,

release.

Every break up requires some mourning. These

suggestions aren’t meant to imply that you

need to get out there immediately and forget

them. But it’s important not to live in your

pain. In all likelihood, by this point, you’ve

made light of the little things about them that

drove you crazy as well as some of the bigger

ones and you’re simply afraid to let go of

something and someone you know. One of our

hardest lessons is that life goes on… but it

does. Believe it or not, in no time you’ll be

feeling like your old self again… only new and

improved!

Thank You All for reading and Stay Blessed,

Arnel